“Brush your teeth”, “Make your bed”, “Feed the fish” – parents sometimes feel like a broken record when it comes to handing out chores to their kids. And sometimes (ok, maybe often), rather than delegate, we might do something ourselves because it’s easier than doing battle with the kids or because we know we’ll do it better – I know firsthand how true that is. But I think we owe it to our kids to have them help out around the house – it teaches them responsibility and helps train them to be mature independent adults. And isn’t our job as parents to one day push them out of the nest and watch them fly?
My oldest son recently graduated from college and moved out of state. I’m sad that he’s so far away, yet happy for his great job opportunity and comforted to know that he has the life skills he’ll need (at least most of them) to comfortably and confidently get along in the “real” world. Of course he didn’t just learn those skills overnight – my husband and I have been preparing him for this phase of his life for the past 22 years. We’ve had him and his younger brother participate in a variety of chores, from mowing the lawn to emptying the dishwasher, doing their own laundry to managing their own bank account.
There have been some stumbling blocks along the way, but we view those as teaching moments that are sometimes more powerful than any verbal lesson could be. Without going into great detail and violating his privacy, I’ll just say that my son had an issue with a credit card that really surprised us. It taught us that we can’t only teach by example – explicit instructions are often necessary. Many of my clients are impacted by this same lack of specific training – I’m constantly amazed at how many of them tell me they grew up in organized homes, yet they’ve hired me to help them get organized because they don’t know how to do it. Their parents did everything for them so they never learned the process of being organized. Some of the basic skills I often have to teach them are:
- How to keep a calendar
- How to keep track of bills
- How to set up a filing system
- How to establish a process for doing laundry
- How to put things away when finished with them
I invite you to consider what tasks you’re doing yourself that your kids are capable of handling, and how you can get them more involved in being contributing members of the household. What lessons did your parents not teach you that you wish they had?
Here’s to your life of simplicity, harmony and freedom,
Thank you for this encouragement to keep up the (sometimes difficult) effort of teaching life skills. A good reminder this time of year as my husband and I try to give each of our adolescent children an additional chore to help around the house as the new school year begins.
You are so right. We are teaching our 2 1/2 year old to put his dirty clothes in a special basket at the end of the day. We’re trying to teach him to pick up his toys and put them where they belong (not easy), put appropriate things in the trash…not toys or good stuff! He likes to help put laundry in the dryer or take it out and even put laundry in the washer. The other day, he got down from his high chair at the table (no tray…he just sits at the table with us) and he took his plate to the kitchen! We were so surprised. He just had watched me take my plate and copied me! He says “I’m finished; may I be excused” after eating and this seems to be sticking pretty well!
Now if I could just get him to STOP throwing his little people into the fireplace, I would be pretty happy!
Jennifer and Becky,
It sounds like you’re both doing a great job in this area – congratulations! Good luck with those little people, Becky.
I can say I visit the laudromat often as we are a family of four, myself, my 12 yr.old son & 2 daughters 10 & 8. I have received many compliments as to how much my kids help with the laundry. They are definitely learning; the folding isn’t perfect but I can tell you it’s getting better!
Thanks for the encouragement and ideas of other things to get them started doing, what ages are appropriate for the list mentioned in your opinion?
Hi Cindy,
Congratulations on getting your kids involved in helping out. I think most people tend to under-estimate their kids’ abilities level, but because every child is different, it’s important to gauge their maturity and physical abilities as you decide what chores to assign them. My kids started mowing the lawn, managing their bank account, and doing laundry once they entered high school. They started emptying the dishwasher around 4th grade. I’d love to hear from other people about at what ages their kids started doing various chores.